speech is wasted on the hearing

recently, i often feel like silence is preferable to speech. especially my own.

not because i feel like the quality of my words has deteriorated. in fact, i think i've only become better at talking.

that, precisely, is the problem. the better i talk the worse it feels.

it's like trying to scoop water with a strainer. trying to give form to something formless. of course, the better you become at talking the closer you approach a perfect expression of the mental image.

but it can't ever be expressed exactly as it is. and the closer you get the more frustrating it gets. and there's this sense of why even bother to spend so much energy and time talking about something when it can't even be properly conveyed through words.

regardless of how well the listener is understanding, it still feels like i'm shouting into a void.

how to write without thinking...

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it's cold.