proper

I once had a very interesting friend. His name was ____, and it's now been a couple months since he was shot and killed.

When I first met him, I thought he must be the one of the nicest people I had ever met. Or maybe nice is not the correct way to describe him. He did not go out of his way to try to cheer me up when I was sad, nor did he hold back too much when he decided to criticize me. Just talking to him, you would think he was a very "average" person in terms of niceness. He did not go out of his way to offer sympathy nor to insult or belittle you.

In any case, it was not through his words or demeanor that he could be called a "good" or "bad" person. But it was strangely the case that whenever he noticed anyone with a problem, he would go out of his way to help them. It was nearly automatic.

I had always thought of myself as a helpful person, but I was nothing compared to ____. He always carried around bills to hand out to the beggars, and when he ran out, he would chat with them and wish them well. If it seemed anyone did not understand something in his classes, he would personally try to help them understand, as best as he could. It goes without saying that he would lend you any of his belongings, and did not even seem to care if they were damaged or never returned. And almost like a servant, he was always prepared to run errands for you, if you had a good reason why.

Yet despite all this, I had trouble attaching the adjective "good" to him. Because despite all his actions, it did not seem as if any of it registered to him as helping somebody else. It was all very natural, and he did not seem to expect any thanks nor did he seem to gain any personal joy from providing assistance. He brushed off any "thank yous" and always seemed surprised when the people he helped began to think of him as a friend. There was clearly no ulterior motive to his actions. In fact, I began to imagine that there was no motive at all. He was the literal embodiment of selflessness, in that he seemed to lack any distinction between himself and others, his own and that of others. To him, to offer his help was as natural as scratching his own back.

And through all that, it just happened that I was friends with him. Not because he felt any special connection with me, but purely because we were in enough of the same classes that he seemed to have gotten used to seeing me. It was because of this proximity that I first saw his other side.

It was around 12 AM when we were walking back from drinking at my friend's place. I was a bit tipsy, but ____ had not drank at all. On the way there, we passed by a man leaned against his car, scrolling through his phone. He seemed to be the only one on the street at the time.

____ turned to me and said, "wouldn't it be funny if I just beat the shit out of that guy?" I was slightly surprised at the randomness of the statement, but being under the influence, I just let out a nervous laugh and said yeah, maybe. Before I even registered what had happened, the man was on the ground, and ____ was there pummelling him with his elbows.

At first, I thought it was some sort of a prank. I walked over to get a better look and saw the man's bloodied face. It seemed he did not even have time to call for help before the force of his head hitting the ground had knocked him out. I grabbed ____ by the shoulder and urged him to stop. Still sitting on top of the body, his head swiveled around to face me while his torso did not move at all.

"Okay," was all he said. He got up, and began walking back to our building as if nothing had happened. The shock of what had just happened seemed to have further disoriented my already impaired judgement. Perhaps I should have called the cops at that moment, or at least called an ambulance for the guy. Although badly beated, it didn't seem like he was going to die so I just wordlessly left, and started after ____.

The next day, there was a notice about that a man had been found badly beaten near campus grounds. I was struck with fear at the possibility that ____ had been spotted somehow, and I with him. But it seemed that the police did not have any leads as to who the culprit was, and the man would probably not remember either given the lack of light at the time.

That's when I should have realized that he did not see people as human at all. He viewed everyone as objects, including himself.