omen

my dad fractured his arm yesterday. or broke it. we aren't sure yet, because he wasn't able to get an x-ray. this was the omen.

or at least, spoke the crow. the crow which roosted on that hunched over branch that casted a shadow on my mind. i never quite saw the crow speak, but i could see its beak moving in the shadow. that shadow in my brain was an area where i couldn't trespass into through thought, because it was pitch black. the message was not in the darkness. it was rather in the shape of the darkness.

an omen of what? i wondered.

the rest of the day proceeded mostly as it should. at least, there were no more omens, only the result of previous ones. i often think that for every event that ever occurs, there must have been some omen in the past which predicted it. if you look hard enough, you can always find one, or maybe create it yourself. and all is well in determinism.

and finally, the conclusion: i tore up the skin at the base of my right hand index fingernail. it was self-inflicted, but on accident. i thought, how could an arm breaking be an omen for something like torn skin? but i realized, the omen can be more severe than what it predicts.

i told her that but she didn't understand. which was a bad omen for our relationship. but i'll wait and see, because that's what i always do.

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there is always something new. that's the problem. if everything stayed the same, then i would go crazy but i wouldn't be pulled away from the known. but the unknown, the unknown is always calling when the known becomes complacent. that's the problem. but it's my problem.

because the known and unknown are indistinct, just different shades of the same monochrome universe.