kick

i sat at the seat beside
the window and it occurred
to me that people from the
outside might see me but
who even looks into the window
before walking inside anyways.

i had nothing but a can of
monster and a notebook
(and my phone)
and i was trying to get
my mind racing
so i could write some cool things
in that journal.

it didn't quite give me the kick
i was looking for but maybe two cans
would have done the trick.

make sure to drink two cans before any college-level exam.

i was biding my time trying to stave
off anxiety and existential dread
but maybe i needed a depressant for that
and not a stimulant. oh well.

---

when i write in first-person
am i writing as 'myself'
or am i playing a character?

the answer is, i am in fact
playing a character but i am
that character.

but what i am trying to do when
i write is to be honest.
it is only through writing i can be
completely honest because it is a
meta-commentary on the life i am
acting out.

when i write in first-person,
i am most definitely writing
from my perspective.