how to live
It occurred to me yesterday that I have not been living properly. What do I mean? I have not been eating properly, sleeping properly, drinking properly, learning properly, interacting with people properly, thinking properly, etc.
And as a result, I have suffered. My body and mind have suffered the consequences of this chaotic, haphazard way of living.
When I first arrived on campus, I was eager to try everything. So I did as best as I could to be doing something at all times, and until yesterday I thought I had done well. I met a lot of new people and tried a lot of different things. And yet, the feeling of independence and self-directedness began to morph into a feeling of being dragged around from one thing to another. Behind everything, there was a lack of purpose and intention.
The Intersection of Meaning
What makes something meaningful in life? Without getting too philosophical, I suspect there is one easy way to answer this question: purpose and intention.
If an action is purposeless it surely cannot be meaningful. That much is clear. However, if an action has purpose but you are internally protesting against it, halfheartedly taking part just because you have to, then you lack intention and the action loses meaning.
In order to live meaningfully I believe it is necessary for every action you take to have purpose and intention. Purpose serves as a direction, and intention supplies the force for and determines the thoroughness of the undertaking.
Otherwise, you will inevitably end up feeling dissatisfied in some way, either feeling as a mere spectator in life or feeling as if you are being dragged around with no will of your own.
Partial Feelings
- Do not, under any circumstances, depend on a partial feeling.
This is the third precept from Musashi's 獨行道.
What is a partial feeling? A partial feeling is any weakness of intention. The words "reluctance", "begrudgingly", "unwillingly", etc. all capture this idea. It is an incompleteness of desire, a deficiency of spirit. It is the worst kind of feeling one can depend on. No series of actions undertaken based on a partial feeling can produce satisfaction.
Indecision is also a symptom of partial feelings. When you are torn between choices, because your desire for one is no greater than your envy of the others. If you are unable to overcome this ambivalence, regardless of which decision you make you will be left with regrets. But, if you are able to resolve yourself and select a path as if it was the only one you would ever take even when faced with the same choice a thousand times through a thousand lifetimes, then you will be left with no regrets.
My resolution is to live more meaningfully from this moment onward.